Marriage: Cultural Misconceptions, Exposed.
(Original post Nov, 2011)
Recently I had a single person ask me if marriage was difficult. I’m not sure I can make a statement that rings true in all and for all marriages.
My experience of marriage has been intertwined with my wife’s difficult health problems. Thus my perspective has been colored. Facing life in the midst of these health problems has been the most difficult experience of my life.
What I can say about marriage is that I was lied to almost my entire life. God did not invent marriage to “make us happy”… The lie propagated by nearly every facet of American society as a whole. A lie left largely un-refuted by church, or so it seemed to me.
“Oh, he makes me so happy!” and then when he doesn’t make you happy any longer… “I just don’t love him anymore”. Divorce then follows. The now single person starts looking for another source of happiness. The cycle repeats, as the broken and imperfect person seeks the wrong remedy.
I do not mean to say that you won’t find happiness within marriage. I hope I do and I think I have. But note, I said “within” not “from” marriage. Your happiness is not your spouse’s responsibility. It is something that comes and goes, ebbs and flows with the seasons of life. It is not marriage’s constant companion. It isn’t the purpose of marriage… AND It’s not even the purpose of life.
Marriage was invented by God. It is a mirror he holds in front of us. It helps us see our flaws and scars. Marriage exposes the dark matter of our hearts. We either take responsibility for what is exposed and deal with it, grow and heal… Or we point fingers and blame, “you’re not making me happy!” as we slowly plummet… crash and burn.
Before I was married, I was quite successful at “happiness” and life. Then slowly as life happened God’s mirror of marriage exposed my rough edges. I didn’t even know they existed, but they had been there since I was young. Unbeknownst to me. Rough and unlovely. These edges HAD to be smoothed out. It proves a laborious and difficult process… But a necessary one. If these edges were allowed to remain, they would surely kill marriage… They were trying to kill me.
There is no need to fear. The process is a sure one, if you welcome God into the process. When you actively seek, you can be confident that you will find. God wants to heal your old scars. Transforming both heart and mind. And as he does, you find something better than mere happiness… You find meaning, love, intimacy, and joy… with your spouse and your heavenly father.
Marriage can be tragically hard… full of a terrible and magnificent beauty. So cling to God, for we are to be refined like gold in the fire. Be confident, be assured. Have a joyous anticipation… For the best in life has yet to come.
David