Men try to fix.
(Originally posted 10/2011.)
I’ve been told this many times. When women have a problem, they want their man to LISTEN to their feelings. But what do us men do? We try and FIX… and… this drives us both crazy!
Even though I know this is what my wife wants, I find it VERY difficult to do. Almost impossible! Why wouldn’t you want to solve the problem??? Just telling the problem doesn’t get rid of the problem, it still exists… Isn’t it unloving of me to not try and help? Let’s fix this and experienced the freedom of “a problem solved.”
Several weeks ago, I had something very unusual happen. I had feelings… No, that’s not new, but I tried to share them with my wife. THAT is new, or at least rare. What do men usually do? Bury their feelings! I’m guilty of this, and it’s not the healthiest way to live. So, in an effort to be more emotionally healthy and connected with my wife I took a new route… I shared. First, I took a walk to sort through everything… I wanted to convey truth in love, not just vomiting up my feelings. During a walk in the twilight… I thought, walked, prayed, and jotted down my feelings into my iPhone. (I didn’t even fall down or get hit by a car.)
When I made it home, I opened up and shared my feelings. I felt very vulnerable. It was uncomfortable telling her my feelings. Scary even. I believed God wanted me to grow in this area. So, I followed through. I didn’t “explode” in a uncontrolled catharsis. I just truthfully and calmly shared my actual feelings.
So, what happened? Vanessa tried to point out where I was going wrong and tried to fix my problem! How manly of her. The tables had turned. I had a taste of my own medicine and it was bitter. It was good for me though. At first, I was just feeling indignant. “How dare she not listen to my feelings. This is hard for me!” That’s when it hit me. “This must be how she feels when she tries to share her feelings with me. Every time.” Wow! I’ve never experienced what that felt like!
I went to my wife and apologized profusely for the 7 years I’ve fallen so short. She forgave me.
“Father, please help me grow rapidly in my ability to listen to my wife’s feelings and just empathize with her. Amen.”
David.